Driving Miss Jayne

A while back I got a car. This is my car:

I first took a driving test in 1993. Yikes! My mum crashed her car (with me in it) the previous day. I should have cancelled my test but didn’t, which, considering I’d spent the previous evening in hospital, was really, really stupid. Needless to say I failed (rather miserably) and then I gave up driving as couldn’t afford any more lessons. There was no need, I told myself, cars were expensive, other people drove, my work was easier to get to by trains and tubes.

But I always wanted to be The Jayne That Drives! I could see myself being the Jayne that drives – she zips around in classic cars with picnic baskets in the boot and goes on day trips to the beach. The Jayne that drives is a confident, go-getter sort of person, someone who makes things happen. The Jayne that doesn’t drive isn’t any of these things.

A conversational door closes when you don’t drive. It is hard to join in with talk on cars – petrol, makes, driving, distances. It depends whether you are someone who notices such things, but I am, and while it didn’t bother me at first, slowly I felt the distance lengthen.

Then I became the Jayne That Drives and the distance disappeared as if it was never there. My first foray was to the supermarket and coffee shop – I swung my car keys and bought my take-out coffee and suddenly felt part of something new. It felt good.

So far I have made only short forays, and have grinned with each new accomplishment. I parked in a car park! I found my windscreen-wipers! I put petrol in! I drove the cats to the vet! I made up a very silly driving song! (‘This is the driving song / You can sing along / But you can’t because you’re a cat / And that’s the end of that!’)

Tonight I’m off to see a friend and it will be the longest car journey yet. (Ten whole miles!) I have no sat-nav (or map) so have printed out large text directions to glance at if stuck. Although all will be fine, today has been spent needlessly worrying along the lines of:

1. Being in the wrong lane and ending up on the M25
2. Not being able to get off the M25 and ending up in a giant circle vortex
3. Getting totally lost
4. Breaking down
5. Not being able to change lanes on the A10
6. Changing lanes badly thus causing an accident
7. Not being able to see due to Sweat of Fear
8. Driving back in the dark
9. Missing the turn for A10 and getting stuck on the roundabout
10. Drivers beeping at me and road raging

That’s about it so far. Give me another hour and I’ll prob be able to write ten more!

When did you start driving? Where did you go on your first journey?

Update: Did the journey! All went very well. Yeay!

The Driving Test

I thought I had failed.

In fact, I was convinced of it, 5 minutes into the test. There was a lorry ahead with its hazard lights on, and I was slowing down for it, in preparation to stop, when the Test Man suddenly said ‘stop!’ which made me stop a lot harder and quicker, even though I was stopping anyway. We drove off again and I thought ‘well, that’s that then’ and proceeded to treat it like an even more expensive driving lesson, reverse round that corner (check), drive on the motorway (yup), go through the 20mph zone (check), even make a bit of small talk with the Test Man as we were going around. I remember thinking that it was such a shame I had failed, as the rest of the test seemed okay, so it was with a slight air of doom that I completed the bay parking and waited for my sentence.

‘I am pleased to say you passed…’ I have never heard anything so sweet. He said that he had been too hasty saying stop, when I was already slowing down, and that the rest of the drive was excellent! By now I was too busy thanking everyone between tears, so only heard about one word in three, but I gather my license appears within four weeks and then I am officially on the road!

Not that I have a car yet… There is no room in the budget for a car! In fact, there was no room for any other lessons, so it would have been a right problem if I had failed. But just to know I can drive is such a relief. And now I am on track for my dream car, a VW Camper Van… yes, really! What I will do is drive a bog standard Fiesta or Corsa for a couple of years, just so I get the swing of it, and then see if I can go for a camper. I have always wanted one; it’s the hippy within y’see. I might not grow my own veggies yet, but the potential is definitely there… It has to be a two-tone 1960's one (mint green and cream), and I was going to customise it with white daisies. And here it is...

Ah, one day...