Saturday, 22 January 2011

An Apology

This automated service is brought you on behalf of Jayne’s blog. Jayne would like to apologise for her continuing absence, and blames a peculiarly long depressing January. In fact, she claims extra days are being sneaked into January each year and the Powers That Be choose to keep it quiet in order to avoid countless contests to ‘name the new days’. (Jayne’s vote would be for Holiday.)

While we are here, Jayne would like to confess a few things, such as her addiction to Haribo Tangfastics. She thinks these are the only things getting her through grey week days filled with Systems, Thingys and Whatsits. She also has discovered a dry shampoo you spray on and brush out, and the grub in her is wondering whether she has to wash her hair ever again. You will be immensely relieved to know that the grub is nearly always over-ruled.

Jayne would also like to share she is writing another short story (mostly in her head, although has put aside all weekend to Really Concentrate). She has also decided that Hoovers have really pointless settings, such as ‘short carpet’, ‘long carpet’ and ‘luxury carpet’. Where is the setting for ‘flat carpet’? Hoover manufacturers - the only settings needed are the following:

  • Brand New Carpet
  • Carpet Owners with Long Hair
  • Carpet Owners with Fluffy Pets
  • Carpet Owners with Long Hair and Fluffy Pets (sub-title Kiss Your Carpet Goodbye)
  • Old Flat Carpet
  • Older Than Me Carpet (Heritage Unknown)

Where was I? Even automated services can digress. Ah yes, the apology. Jayne is happy to say she is working to find a balance between blogging, writing, and system thingys, and hopes normal service will resume soon, as she misses you all!

22 comments:

Mimi said...

LOL re hoover settings!
I think the best setting would be "operator is not the owner"!!
see you soon!

Maria Zannini said...

Ref: carpet settings

Yes!! Now where is my permanent ink marker? I must correct the settings to my vacuum cleaner.

Old Kitty said...

Dear Jayne's Automated Service,

You are the nicest automated service ever. You do not put on muzak or tell us to please hold. Nor do you give us options and numbers to press. Nor do you say with little enthusiasm just how our call/visit is important to you as we wait in a queueing system.

Please pass on my bestest wishes to Jayne as she writes her story over the weekend!! Please say "Yay!!!!!!" and also that I agree about the flat/long/lush carpet settings on the vacuum cleaner. I tend to use "wood floor" setting for everything!

Take care
x

Kathryn1000 said...

Good luck,Jayne.I hope you can get a new computer soon,Your blog is so funny,I love it.

Dolly said...

Please tell Jayne that we really really miss her too and good luck with her writing and finding a balance. Perhaps she can let us know if she comes up with a plan for that! I should be drawing castles that are in my head but my brush & ink don't seem to be working today. I hope she has better luck with the story in her head.

Heather Hellmann said...

Every time I see a commercial for the spray shampoo I think, "I need that!" And then I realize that might turn me into a walking odor with shiny hair.

About vacuums, I think they need a cat hair setting. One cat, two cats, three cats, etc.

floweringmama said...

Too funny!

Cathy @ Country Cathy

Terri Tiffany said...

LOL Love that carpet!!

jbchicoine said...

I think I need one of those automated services for my blog...

penandpaints said...

Tell Jayne not to worry, time will sort itself out soon ish, maybe. As for carpets, mine has gone all wrinkly, I blame the hoover for being too suctionised, further investigation has revealed the foam underlay has disintegrated with age. It's not good.
Oh and re Jayne's previous post, I love stationary too, it does make you happy, it really does!!

Fran said...

Your automated service is very funny.

The Golden Eagle said...

Do tell Jayne that I hope that life balances itself out and good luck with her writing!

Out on the prairie said...

Now you have me thinking I need to look at those settings on the Hoover. I use the Jenn setting and have someone come in and clean once a week.I have a carpet cleaner also that I use the Lauren setting a couple times of year when I want it done.I started a article about hiking which has turned into a childrens story.Come join me I am under diaper duty all weekend at the lake.Two kids in diapers with 2 decades not having done just that.

catdownunder said...

To: Automated Service
From: Cat
I will have you know that those cat hairs are rare and precious and a gift to the humans we own! Miaou! :-)

Debbie said...

I agree. Tangfastics are the best.

Wendy aka Quillfeather said...

Jayne, never has to apologise. She is always a delight when she posts :)

Julie@beingRUBY said...

Oh Jayne
I beg to differ... what about 'Old flat #$#@ carpet for people with long hair'.... I vote let's scrap carpet all together,,,

So... sorry about the extra days in Jan.. think that was my fault... it is summer here and best time of year...

Have a lovely weekend... just think soon it will be me sad with winter coming and you happy with spring..

ciao xxx Julie

Deniz Bevan said...

Also carpet with cats that are afraid of the terrible hoover noise! [g]

Ariel Swan said...

Automated Response - Current weather conditions in Massachusetts, U.S. below freezing - two feet of snow on ground - more feet expected next week. Ariel is lost in a snow fog and will not be able to come to the phone...err...computer right now. She is working hard to get back to writing as these winter months are making her dry and cracked and just a little bit brain dead. Please be advised that witty blogisms may be necessary. This message will repeat...

Come back soon Jayne. Miss your posts.

Wendy Altschuler said...

lovely writing, lovely blog.

KarenG said...

Can totally relate, can't we all? In fact it's the theme of my next post. Sort of. Without the vacuuming.

The Good Wifehold said...

Ha ha! very funny. I too have just discovered dry shampoo - how good is it??? god knows what evil ingredients it's made of though. Organic? Think not. Am hoping they bring one out soon!

Also am in complete agreement with long January. How dare it. And also how dare the weather. As am suffering from homesickness I have just eaten a whole packet of Tim Tams. If you don't know what these are I thoroughly suggest you try to find them. They are Australia's answer to the best chocolate biscuit ever.

Best of luck with eh vaccuumm......
TGW