Friday, 30 November 2012

Escaping on The Orient Express

I always find that the closer it circles to midwinter, the more myself and friends meet up, perhaps to let the warmth of our friendship alleviate the chill air and darkness. We gather in bright circles, in houses with fireplaces, in pubs with flickering candles, in cosy tea shops with china cups, in plush department stores where artificial lights bounce from each polished surface. We all whoosh into each others’ life in a flurry of scarves and hats like we’ve used one of Harry Potter’s port-keys, filled with stories from Away. It doesn’t matter if Away has been for a year or a week; each conversation will pick up from the last and expand to cover all corners. Every familiar voice is a boon and a blessing, the light of companionship a talisman to ward off the night.

And yet, perversely, the call of hibernation is loud. The gloomy days make me want to tuck inside and draw the curtains, turn on the lamps. I want to escape into books and time-travel to see Victorians in London, to follow action heroes tackling twisty crime thrillers in Miami, to listen to sharp-talking mods in Brighton, to dream about lazy days in Georgia, to wonder what life would be like on a boat with a tiger. I want to look at art, to lose myself in the contours of oil paint, the flat expanses of acrylic. I want to trace the outlines of faces in photographs, to memory-gather, to rejoice in all I love. I want to reflect upon the year and plot for spring. I find myself making lists (and checking them twice), and squirreling away buttons and fabric, ribbons and sequins. I flick the pages of recipe books and contemplate cakes, delicate iced flowers, spun-sugar butterflies. And in-between it all, back and forth I go to work, a piece of shiny glass being endlessly washed upon a shore, corners rubbed away by commuter-tough elbows and shoulders, until I am smooth, quiet, and uniform.

Unless I rebel, of course, a secret thought that often springs to mind when squished into an armpit on the Victoria line. One-day I shall trudge past St Pancras train station in my conformist clothes, and then I’ll fling off the dull overcoat, revealing a purple tutu and a red mohair jumper. Then, waving my passport, I’ll run away on the Eurostar to Paris. Paris! The idea also morphs into Venice! (said with exactly the same breathy exclamation-mark passion), and, also, sometimes, most-daringly, into The Orient Express! (Said with even more breathy passion, if at all possible, without degenerating into an all-out saucy pant.) Oh, how I’d adore to travel on the Orient Express. Let’s see, what would I need to take with me...


If I’m on this luxury train then I’m assuming that I have a wardrobe budget to match. I’ll drip in art deco. I’ll shimmer in sequins. I’ll Charleston it up from sunrise to sundown. I’ll not step foot out of my cabin without an ostrich feather fascinator, and two small *chihuahuas named Fifi La Chew and Philippe La Mew.

Prabal Gurung at Harvey Nichols
Alexander McQueen at Selfridges
The Orient Express

Reading material

By my bedside, on a satin display cushion, will be a first edition of Agatha Christie’s classic book, Murder on the Orient Express. I’d read it wearing silk gloves, every so often discreetly sniffing the pages. Mmm. Book dust.

Both books pictured can be found via


If not delicately dabbing my wrists in the finest book dust, then the deciding factor in perfume shall be whether the bottle looks either like a) the ‘Drink me’ bottle in Alice in Wonderland, or b) the bottle the White Witch uses to make Turkish Delight appear, as in the original text. In the film I believe she uses a wand – yawn. Wands are so passé.

Alice illustration by John Tenniel
Vintage Perfume Bottles via Dee Devine, Pinterest


My handbag on the Orient Express shall be a giant ball of exquisite fluff, hand-gathered from the back of Buckingham Palace’s sofas and settees. Should this prove unavailable, I’d go for either something vintage-inspired and chic, such as Diane von Furstenberg’s Fetish Box Clutch, or something that looks like a bling-covered Fisher Price toy for adults, such as Judith Leiber’s Carousel Miniature. Inside this I shall carry a compact silver mirror, a red lipstick, and a Liberty print silk handkerchief.

Diane von Furstenberg’s Fetish Box Clutch at Harrods
Judith Leiber’s Carousel Miniature at Harrods


This has to be a 1930s brown case of battered, but good quality, leather. The sort that muscular train porters can carry for me, considering the bastard bollocking thing has no wheels. *Note to self, never ever swear like my Auntie Shirley on the Orient Express*

The Dog and Wardrobe


Diamonds are a girl’s best friend... although of course a diamond is no good at texting ‘lol!’, sharing cupcakes, and gossiping at sleepovers. However, a diamond won’t also nick your first boyfriend, to put it in context. Moving on from teenage life, if I’m on the Orient Express, I’d like my fingers to be adorned with something sparkly, please. And my ears. And my neck. And my wrists. I might stop there. Maybe. (I have actually gone all Small and Solemn at the prices.)

Tiffany & Co

Fifi La Chew and Philippe La Mew

La Chew and La Mew are Chihuahuas that fiendishly disguise themselves as cats. Did they fool you? They are the ginger master and tabby mistress of illusion.


music obsessive said...

You've left out refreshment! Never at any time be more than six feet away from a bottle of vintage fizz to be drunk from wide topped glasses (known as 'Marilyns' in our house) despite the fact that the tiniest twitch will spill the contents. Ha!

Old Kitty said...

Glad you remembered to take Les Chats!! Never leave home without them let alone board ze Orient Express Train!

Take care

Lindsay said...

What a wonderful post, Jayne! Get that novel published and the ensuing riches will ensure you, too, travel on The Orient Express - with all those clothes etc of course.

Dewena Callis said...

The best kind of friendship is when you can pick up where you left off, no matter how long it's been. Then why do I, like you, want to hibernate? We love our own company, and that's a good thing, isn't it? Of course to join you on the Orient Express would be the trip of a lifetime. Don't worry, I'll lag behind you in your sequins and diamonds. I'll be the one in the dowdy brown coat.

What fun you are! Loved reading about your travel plans. See you when you return.

Suzanne Furness said...

I loved reading this post, Jayne. All your ideas sound wonderful to me especially a trip on the Orient Express!

Out on the prairie said...

i try to get out every day during the cold months just to keep down the blahs. The Orient Express sounds fun, trains aren't used as much here in the states.

Maggie May said...

Wow...... I want to come too!
Was a good fun post and who knows.... you might be going before too long. Keep writing.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Christine said...

This post was a delight to read. I love your description of how the season makes you feel. Hope you escape the 'armpits' one day and succeed in living your dream.

snafu said...

Sound like a nice plan, but I must warn you that a leather suitcase like that is only any good if it is plastered with labels from distant ports of call. An unadorned suitcase immediately marks you out as a first timer and an easy mark. Find one with lots of badly worn labels quickly.

parfum said...

Nice blog
Parfum pas cher

Vikki said...

Love it all, especially the cat dogs. Hope you are keeping well missy and making plans for a very merry Christmas :-)


Deniz Bevan said...

What a fun idea for a post! I'd love to take the Orient Express myself someday, and would definitely bring Agatha Christie along. Love the look of those suitcases, too...

JudyMac said...

From someone who also likes to hibernate in winter, I'd say it all is a downright divine idea!

Helen said...

Funnily enough, I'll be taking the Caledonian sleeper down to London in January, because London, to me, is Away. Glamourous in sharp pinches...saying this as one who has been over the Glenfinnan Viaduct that appears in the Harry Potter films, though not in the steam train you can take.

Eliza said...

Great post, we can all dream cant we.