Thursday, 29 April 2010

Angry Jeans

I spent yesterday being slightly out-of-sorts and came to the conclusion it was because I was wearing Angry Jeans.

Angry Jeans are the sort of jeans that only skinny Minnie’s can get away with, and if you get conned into buying any you spend the whole day feeling like a sausage, especially if you are not in fact a skinny Minnie. (Creative licence with the feelings of a sausage, okay?) I made the mistake last year of trying to be hip, and went into a hip sort of boutique in order to find the perfect pair of jeans. I knew it was hip because the thump of bass was making the buttons rattle.

I must explain that since the whole nearly bankrupt business in 2008 (giving up work to write novel using savings, finishing with £10 left at the start of a giant recession) I am a bit careful with money, and don’t often treat myself (although slowly getting back into the swing of it, haha). Hence going out to buy a pair of good jeans was a Big Deal. But let’s get back to the tale...

I explained to the giant fringe (all I could see of the assistant) that I wanted boot-cut jeans, as my sumo calves are not quite built for drainpipes, unless it is a drainpipe with a ferret caught somewhere ungainly. Fringe told me that boot-cut wasn’t very fashionable. I held firm. Fringe pointed a few pairs out. I accepted them (wondering why the hell I was still in the shop, but grimly determined) and spent twenty minutes wrestling and hopping around the dressing room in a fetching manner. After explaining none of them actually fit, I was handed a pair of skinny Minnie’s that did sort of fit, at a push, and was so desperate to leave that I bought them on the spot.

I now call them my Angry Jeans.

They are too snug in the ankle and calf department, and are seemingly only for females who have three centimetres separating their crotch and their waist. Hoist them up and ouch. Let them hang and those are your knickers.

Every so often I forget they are my Angry Jeans, and wonder why I feel slightly cross all day. So yesterday I sifted through my entire jean collection (six pairs) and separated them into Angry Jeans, Tatty Jeans and Acceptable Jeans. Two were Angry, three were Tatty, and only one was Acceptable (and sadly ten years old). It was time for new denim!

So today I sallied out at lunchtime. Forget hip boutiques with thumping bass – I went to Next. I now own two new pairs, and am really hoping they will both be Happy!


Old Kitty said...

M&S jeans.

Seriously. The only ones to ever fit my height and weight are M&S jeans.

And Dorothy Perkins skinnies are fab - they've lasted me where others have failed.

I love (bargain) shopping me!


Take care

Janet O'Kane said...

I so know what you mean. I have two pairs of genuine Levis bought in a Seattle boutique languishing in my wardrobe. My reasoning whilst buying them must have been that if they didn't really fit after a week of eating US-style, they would when I got home to normal food. More fool me.
I've now bought two Per Una pairs which are perfect. Can't bring myself to take the Levis to the charity shop, though.

Wendy Ramer, Author said...

Oh God, I hate jeans shopping. And though I have a decent figure, I'm 43 for heaven's sake...I want the top of my jeans to hit closer to my hips than my groin. Is that too much to ask? Apparently, it is.

Lilly Higgins said...

Yay! Well done on buying new jeans! I'm cursing the pair I'm wearing today and vowed to everyone in the office that THIS weekend, I'm dreading my long overdue jeans shopping trip! At least I know I'm not the only one!

Crystal Cook said...

HA, HA, HA!!! I am an ashamed owner of some angry jeans too.

But hooray for the new ones!!

Thoroughly enjoyed this :)

Alexandra Shostak said...

Oh man, I have some angry jeans, too. They're all too tight, too skinny, and I can't wear them if I'll be sitting down for any length of time. Of course, one time I was buying skinny jeans, and I deliberately went up a size because I didn't want them to become another pair of way too skinny jeans, and of course, that was the ONE pair that stretched out like whoa after I'd had them on for a day. Go figure. So now they're my "don't wear these without leggings underneath" jeans--basically I can only wear them in winter.

My favorite pair of jeans (that I'm wearing right now) has a gigantic hole in each knee--you know, the sort of hole that looks like someone cut a square from seam to seam and exposes your entire knee-cap. They are very tatty, but also my happiest pair :)

Aubrie said...

I hate skinny jeans and tapered leg jeans. I fit the best in flare jeans that are a little loose with a low rise.

But I love my yoga pants the best :)

Happy Frog and I said...

I loved this post, I can completely relate to it! I have recently come out of a jean famine that lasted many years. Finally thanks to M&S and also Next I have jeans I feel good in and which make me happy. I'm thinking of going back and buying up the same pairs again so I never have to shop for jeans ever again!

Anonymous said...

Thoroughly enjoyed this. Hope your new ones are happy jeans!

Laura S. said...

I love sweatpants!

Plain Jane said...

Great story. I currently own 4 pairs of Angry jeans. Last year they were Acceptable jeans, this year they have crossed over. Sigh.

Mise said...

My least angry blue jeans are Next bootcut. They are exactly as fashionable as I am myself, which may not be very. I will not wear abominations sold by Fringes, especially when I see what the Fringes are wearing themselves, and how their dress sense hasn't yet raised them above sales assistant level. I sure do wish you joyous jeans.

Shelley Sly said...

Love the concept of Angry Jeans! I need to buy new jeans too.

i'm no miss said...

Yipee! for the new ones! Cheers to the HAPPY jeans! Haha.

Linda said...

Hi Jayne

Oh angry jeans what a great name, and I know exactly what you mean. I have the corpses of jeans that lie in my chest of drawers. I can't throw them away because I'm always hoping that I will be able to fit into them one day - fat chance!

You've inspired me to have a sort out and throw away the angry jeans and go and by some happy ones.

And I agree with you, my most happy jeans are from Next, boot cut too. And do I care if boot cut aren't hip and trendy - no! There's no point being hip and trendy if the look doesn't suit you, eg look at leggings - I've seen so many people wearing leggings recently than really shouldn't!


Talli Roland said...

Angry jeans! I love it!

Next is great for jeans. Personally I go to Primark (yes, that's how cheap I am). But seriously, some of my best jeans are from Primark! Who can argue with £10?

Cynthia Reese said...

Would you believe it? I have only ONE pair of jeans in my wardrobe. Not that I don't want more. But the process of acquiring more denim is only slightly more labor-intensive and painful than adopting The Kiddo from China.

So I mean to. But I never quite get the courage to go buy another pair of jeans. Sigh.

Just Wendy said...

Loved this post!

Jeans are pretty much all I wear these days, so I know exactly what you mean by having a happy/angry pair.

When mine are angry, it normally means my entire food intake of the previous day has gone straight to my thighs! Aargh....!

And as for the 'fringe' saying bootleg jeans are out - what a loud of old rubbish. They're my favorite kind :)

PS. Hey, thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. Nice to 'virtually' meet you too :)

Carol Kilgore said...

Ahh, the Great Jean Hunt. Why must they all be too much in one area and not enough every place else?

I think I've finally tossed all my angry ones. Love that expression.

Julie Musil said...

Such a funny post! And informative...I didn't know boot cut was out! Shoot.

Fran Hill said...

My jeans are so angry they put up a fight every time I try and put them on.

Theresa Milstein said...

I've got angry jeans too! They're always the ones that are too tight but I tell myself I'll lose those few pounds. But I don't. Then I'll wear them and my stomach flesh is pushed into my intestines. Who wouldn't be cranky?

Jayne said...

Hi Old Kitty. I have heard good things about M&S jeans too! No more silly boutiques for me!


Hi Janet. My angry jeans (cough-Miss-Sixty-cough) are also in a cupboard rather than leaving me for charity. I don't know why I am keeping them really... I can't see me wearing them again!


Hi Wendy. In some places it is definitely too much to ask! I am so glad I now have Happy Jeans - I don't want to go jeans shopping again for at least a year.


Hi Lilly. I hope you found some Happy Jeans! I urge you towards Next - so far so good with the ones I bought!


Hi Crystal. An ashamed owner - hee! Like it. :)


Hi Alexandra. I love the sound of 'stretched out like whoa' - I know exactly what you mean! I also have a pair of jeans that have a gigantic hole at the knee - it is in my tatty pile, but they are so comfy that I use them to lounge around the house in. Hooray for Happy Jeans!

Jayne said...

Hi Aubrie. Flared jeans rock! And oh for proper yoga pants - I always end up doing normal yoga in ancient track bottoms, or hot yoga in ancient shorts. One day I'll bite the bullet and invest in some real ones!


Hi Happy Frog. Another satisfied M&S / Next jean wearer! They must have hit on the magic formula. I am also considering buying an extra pair! I did that once with trousers, was the best thing clothes wise I ever did!


Hi Christine. Glad you enjoyed! The new ones are most definitely happy.


Hi Laura. Yup, sweatpants get my vote too!


Hi Plain Jane. Haha - oh that did make me smile. My Acceptables often also cross over into Angries. Amazingly this often coincides with an increased chocolate consumption, I have no idea why.

Jayne said...

Hi Mise. Hooray for Next boot-cut! And your comment made me chuckle - exactly, who cares what Fringes recommend?! So far you'll be pleased to hear the jeans are joyous!


Hi Shelley. Thanks for commenting! My Angry jeans have now been regulated to a drawer. Hooray for Happy Jeans!


Hi I'm No Miss. I am so glad I have found Happy Jeans at long last!


Hi Linda. I must admit the Angry Jeans are also now lying in state in my chest of drawers. I'm not sure why I am keeping them to be honest. Sometimes I get grand ideas that I can use the material in some way... but I am not that good with converting clothes. I am so happy with my Next jeans though. I might have to go buy more so I have a little stock pile of Happy Jeans!

Jayne said...

Hi Talli. Primark lures me in like water to a sponge. I work near a Primark and forever get sucked inside its doors on my way to gather lunch. I didn't think of checking out their jeans though - cheers for that!


Hi Cynthia. One pair?! Impressive! But jean buying is just torturous. Now I have my happy pairs I don't want to think about buying more for at least a year! Maybe longer... :)


Hi Wendy. Glad you liked it! Yes, I suspect my Angry Jeans have something to do with chocolate. The Fringe was about the size of an anorexic drainpipe, so clearly could not be trusted with recommendations! Thanks for coming over. :)

Jayne said...

Hi Carol. I am never going to let Angry jeans hang around in my wardrobe again! From now on it is Happy all the way. :)


Hi Julie. Boot cut is only out if we listen to Fringes. I have decided Fringes are not to be trusted!


Hi Fran. Hahaha... I know the feeling!


Hi Theresa. Angry jeans live to make people cranky! I am so pleased I now have Happy jeans. Angries are banished!