DVD or Ditch: Weird Science

Today we are going back to the exciting series DVD or Ditch, in which I return to old films taped on VHS and wonder whether to upgrade them to DVD. So let’s see how the film Weird Science holds up.

Weird Science starred Anthony Michael Hall from Breakfast Club fame; Ilan Mitchell-Smith as his mate, and model Kelly LeBrock as every schoolboy’s fantasy. It also had Robert Downey Jr sporting some really shocking hair, although singling just him out is truly unfair. 1985 will never be a year that screams style.

The premise of the film is two nerdy fifteen year-old boys hook up a Barbie doll to their 45k Amstrad/Spectrum/Atari/lump of plastic, and amazingly bring their fantasy woman to life. She then sees that all they really want to do is snog girls, drink beer and have a party – and so makes it all come true. It is no surprise to find out that it didn’t take long for director John Hughes to come up with some of his classic films…

Weird Science didn’t really make much of an impact on me as a teenager. I think I found it funny… more than likely it didn’t appeal as I didn’t fancy the two lead actors enough (shallow, moi? Splash.)

Returning to the film as an adult, and yes, it is still funny in places. However I cannot help but think that the idea of a 23 year-old woman having sex with a 15 year-old boy is the sort of thing that carries a prison term these days. I know the film is a teenage boy fantasy thing, but still… icky…

Anthony Michael Hall does the same high-pitched ‘stoner’ type voice he did in The Breakfast Club. I haven’t seen his other John Hughes film, Sixteen Candles, but I just bet there is a scene where his character will get drunk/stoned and out will come the voice… because everyone who is drunk and stoned does a stupid voice! It’s how we spot who is high of course, derr. Like how weed (The Breakfast Club) gives the user an amazing amount of energy and causes people to run and do cartwheels. But it is this sort of innocence in the films that I find really sweet…

I think films like this made me imagine that every American teenager was hugely rich, lived in a mansion, and drove their own car. I was so utterly impressed by American teenagers when I was thirteen, especially when everyone I knew looked like they had just crawled out of Grange Hill. Yet despite the obvious differences, there are some parts of the dialogue that are bang on for a teenager, for any teenager. I think John Hughes was brilliant at holding up a mirror to how introspective that time can be for everyone, and so he created films that ended up being quite universal, although 'ended up' sounds like it may have took him by surprise. I think he knew what he was doing.

But the funniest thing with re-watching this film is I remember when I originally first saw it I thought Kelly LeBrock’s character Lisa was such a grownup. I could never imagine, as a dorky thirteen year-old, that I would ever look as grownup as Lisa. And I was right – here I am at thirty-four, and I still do not look anything like as adult as Lisa. I doubt I will ever be that grownup, even when I am fifty.

So… upgrade this to DVD? It feels very dated. There were only six months between Weird Science and The Breakfast Club, but the latter still feels relevant to this day, whereas Weird Science creates a woman from a machine with less power than my mobile. So unless this film comes as part of a John Hughes DVD pack special, I won’t be upgrading this film anytime soon.

DVD or Ditch? St Elmo’s Fire

I am trying to stream-line my video collection by donating it all to a charity shop, ignoring their groaning shelves already full of unwanted VHS tapes. But before I give the films away, I will re-watch what once caught my attention and see if it is worthy of an upgrade to DVD. So today’s review will be about the 1985 film, St Elmo’s Fire.

St Elmo’s Fire sounds like it should be good. It has all the right actors of the day, and it is a ‘coming-of-age’ film, at a time when it seemed that the genre could do no wrong. Yet why do I get vague memories that this will be a wasted two hours as I slide in the clunky tape?

I remember the problem fifteen minutes in. There are seven characters here, and it is hard to find a single one that I care about. Even worse, the music and direction of the film seems to suggest that I, the viewer, should be sympathetic to these characters, but this feels very inappropriate given the way the characters behave. Shoehorning manufactured compassion into a film does not excuse for poor script / direction, nor will it dupe viewers into suddenly thinking that the moronic character is a nice guy.

Let’s take Kirby (Emilio Estevez). He bumps into an older girl he loved at school and wants to date her, so far so normal. However, he does this by turning into the sort of stalker that would have any sane person reaching for 911. He displays disturbing behaviour; even following this woman to a snowbound cabin with her boyfriend, and what does the director want us to believe? Yes, that this is an endearing character trait – Kirby assaults the woman with a kiss, she falls slightly in love with him, and he roars off into the sunset redeemed and giggling to triumphant music. Sorry, but no, Mr Director. The character might be played by the best giggler in the 80s, but obsessive behaviour to the point of scary is not a turn on.

Or, let’s look at Billy (Rob Lowe). He sleeps around with all the girls, despite the fact he has a wife and very small baby. What a guy, huh? What a dude! He obviously loved college as he was a playboy with no responsibilities, and is still trying to lead that lifestyle, ignoring the fact that everything has changed. I can believe that - what I cannot believe is again, the director trying to manipulate me into being sympathetic at two very wrong times. One is when Billy misreads (deliberately) the signals given by his drunken friend Jules, and attempts to molest her outside the house he shares with his wife and baby. She fights him off, which is witnessed by his wife, and he is left on his own outside. Cue, unbelievingly, sympathetic music. The other time is that he continually questions a friend’s virginity, and gets her to sleep with him as a 'parting present' just before he leaves town forever. The director tries to portray this as a romantic scene, which doesn’t work at all. Again, like with Emilio playing Kirby, I think the director is carried away by having Rob Lowe play this character – yes, the actor’s good looking, but that doesn’t redeem the character from being a complete git.

The other characters are just as unlovable – you have Alec (Judd Nelson) who wants to get married but cheats on his girlfriend constantly, Jules (Demi Moore) who is so two-dimensional she disappears if she turns sideways, and Wendy (Mare Winningham) – a non-entity whose name I only found out just now looking at wikipedia. The only two characters I feel the slightest compassion for is Kevin (Andrew McCarthey) and Leslie (Ally Sheedy). Leslie is Alec’s long-suffering girlfriend who finds out about his affairs and instead takes up with his best mate, Kevin, who has been in unrequited love with her for years. At least these characters feel slightly believable, and are given, especially Kevin, a bit more depth so the actor can play around. The most annoying thing is that the majority of these actors are good – surely there must have been better scripts out there to showcase their ability? The only thing this film showcases is disastrous fashion – Ally Sheedy in particular gets to wear some shockers. As for Mare Winningham - most of the time she looks like she is dressed for pantomime; about to tell Cinderella she cannot go to the ball.

This film for me finally falls into the lowest common denominator for film-viewing, which is solely whether the totty is worth the two hours. Forget script, plot, everything – how good looking are the guys and can I watch it again with the sound down? (One of Brad Pitt’s films, The Mexican, is perfect sound down material). Judd Nelson is lovely, and Rob Lowe is undeniably pretty, but this is an ensemble cast and they share equal screen time with five others, so it’s not even good value sound down. No DVD upgrade for this film.