Passing out before pay day

So there I was, back in the swing of commuting, working all the hours and attempting to further the redrafting today, when I decided to see how the bank account was holding up. I just checked it online and it’s plunged me into the pit of despair, a nasty gloom-ridden pit which currently is to be found circling around my chair in the spare bedroom. I still have two weeks to go before the first pay packet, with the certainty that it won’t be a full month’s wage, and the grim belief that I’ll be on emergency tax, and the rent is due in nine days and I’m £400 short.

Sadly J is pot-less as well as his new job doesn’t start until mid-August, so I imagine his first pay packet won’t be anything to write home about until the end of September. We’re doomed I tell you, doomed.

I can’t extend my overdraft any further as the bank won’t let me (tried it, computer said no), and the only option is to possibly get a credit card and hope against hope that will work, even though it will be yet another thing to which I owe money. This really has been a shit year for timings. I hope J has a cunning plan… can’t think for the life of me what it could be, though. We’ve had an electricity bill that is so red it practically glows, there will probably be another threatened court case via council tax in the not so distant future – and in the background I’m supposed to forget all this and happily write my novel! Oh it’s a joke – honestly, if this book ever makes it into the public then it has been written on the back drop of adversity, there has been so much angst in this past year I’m amazed I have even managed to write anything at all.

And the worse thing is my working week starts again tomorrow – only one day off this week so today has felt like a badly cooked half-baked Sunday. Time enough to do the weekly washing and iron a shirt, then you’re back in it, only of course with no money for lunch. I've had it with today, I'm going to bed…

Squeak

Due to various reasons out of my control, I am still waiting for an invoice to be paid and while the invoice itself is now taking on mythical proportions, the very real problems it is causing by its non-appearance are starting to manifest in a series of bank charges. It is another race against time, and I am powerless to speed things up this time, which is a frankly worrying state of affairs.

I emailed the company and was told that it will be paid next week, however, the way it is being paid is akin to a banking equivalent of the game Mouse Trap – it seemingly has to go through a lot of hurdles (eg an umbrella company for VAT purposes) before it reaches its home with me, where it belongs. And I have no clue as to when next week it will be paid to the umbrella company – will it be Monday? If it is, and if everything moves well in a BACS / CHAPS arrangement, this may mean I (DING!) only get fined a £35 bank charge for non-payment of my mobile bill on Wednesday. However, I reckon that nothing will be showing in my bank account until the week after which means I (DING!) get stung another £35 for Friday’s non-payment of broadband / phone / television. I don’t even want to think about the rent that is due on the following week. Or the charges that can possibly be built up on the original charges – I am just praying this invoice gets through to me, as that then takes care of the rent, and most of the bills, and if I am very lucky it will pay for my travel costs to interviews. I haven’t got as far as thinking about food yet, and as for next month? Ha.

I may sound flippant, but this is a very real problem, and I have been very lucky in my life to have never faced it before, and now I am there, I never want to go through this ever again. Never again will I take for granted the ability to buy food in a supermarket, to buy new shoes when the old ones wear out, to buy new clothes when the jeans give at the knee. I cannot imagine what this feeling must be like when you have people/children that depend on you. Bloody hell is all I can say… I went for a few interviews last week, and am through to a second interview next week. It’s a slow process though, and I am starting to wonder if by the time and grace of God I get through, whether I’ll be able to afford the travel. And if a new job pays in lieu for the first month, then that is game over really. This is, of course, if I get any of these jobs – I have been trying to dredge up charm from the bottom of the barrel, but it is a hard thing, especially as the situation is more crucial than the interviewers no doubt realise.

I have put off the benefit route, as I just didn’t think it was fair for me to claim while others really need it… and the depression I get through applying for it negates any positives. I tried it years ago, and the act of going in, taking a number, sitting on a screwed down plastic chair, waiting to shout your troubles through a plastic screen – I came out more depressed than ever, and with the feeling I was technically useless. I didn’t continue with it, luckily for me I got a job without needing it, but the association with depression stayed with me and now I know if I go down that route I will think this novel idea has been a total waste of time, I’m not skilled with anything tangible, and I’ve basically f*cked up. So I’ve been hanging on, hopeful of not needing to go there, and hopeful that something will turn up, and now I just wonder have I been really stupid again?!

Ah well… Saturday night blues. Me and J looked at each other today and said we’d probably look back on this tough time in two months from now and smile. That as maybe, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget this feeling, and that’s not such a bad thing I guess.