Wednesday, 26 November 2008

On the Job Hunt

Early: Hm. ‘Must be fluent in Dutch’. I click on the link anyway, just to see if the job advert is just teasing about the language skills involved. Ah. Dutch embassy – probably not. I slink out of the link hopefully un-noticed.

Mid-morning: Hm. This looks promising, mainly because it pays a stonking fortune. I click on the link anyway wondering what the catch is – usually something that involves java and multi-platform and programming, in which case I shall yet again slink away. My job searches so far seem to involve a lot of enthusiastic but random clicking and then a slight pause for reading job spec before backing away feeling a bit thick.

Lunch: What is one good at, anyway? Oven bleeps madly from downstairs. Oops, I appear to be over-cooking the fish. Will scrub ‘chef’ from job applications.

After lunch: ‘Please state why you are applying for this post’. Ah, if only I could, dear application. It would go something like this:

I am applying for this post as I am skint and want your money. I think I more than likely can do your job, at least it all sounds fairly ok apart from that programming bit but I am sure someone can just show me the html thingie and all will be well. I also have never worked in that part of London before and wonder what the shops will be like. Pip, pip!

But instead I have to cover such realities with words like experience and competent and deliverables and website infrastructure. Sigh…

Snack-time: I think I will gnaw off my own fingers if I have to write my specialist skills essay one more time. Why can’t there be one form to rule them all, in the style of Lord of the Rings?

After-school: I have totally lost the willpower to do these forms. The job description is interesting, it’s just every time I try to start a new section on essential or desirable skills my brain opens the sneaky hatch behind my left ear and slopes off to watch children’s TV downstairs. I might as well fill the form out in crayons and seal it with chocolate for all the good I feel it will do me.

Before dinner: Suddenly gone all efficient. Why now? Six sections yet to complete, but the fact I have filled in three means that I am amazingly pleased with myself. I may celebrate by watching something mindless. Or I shall continue with form as on a role (and it has to be sent away tomorrow, on pain of death). Hm, best carry on then.

5 comments:

musicobsessive said...

Judging by the way things are going at my place, I may well be joining you in the occupation of full time form filler.

Let me know how the crayon and chocolate application turns out - I may need to copy it!

Jayne said...

Oh no! Fingers crossed all will be well for you.

I'm still playing around with the long application form, and am coming to the conclusion it would be far better if I just sent them a box of chocolates with a note saying 'employ me'.

musicobsessive said...

LOL! It'd work for me!!

idil o. calvero said...

i think we should pay you already for all these observations. ok i'm pretty poor but someone should. free of charge to read? ok. i'm clickin on the goddam ads.

i'd love to read you on a print media.

Jayne said...

Ah - that really made me chuckle - what a lovely comment, thank you! :-)