I guess this shouldn’t surprise me. Without revealing too much there has been a change in the status quo this year, and it would be unnatural for it not to affect the way I feel about myself and my creativity. Having my own space in January was like being given a little safe haven, free from worries, of reminders, of anything that squashed my spirit. I felt at peace and full of energy, and it showed in my redrafting – I rattled through six chapters in the evenings and weekends, and improvement showed in my words. Whoop-de-do, I thought.
But back in the same old, same old, and it sadly shows. Being at home for me feels like being trapped in a soft cage of my own making… It is hard to explain without being too personal. I know the door is open; I know I could walk through and out at anytime, and yet I can’t. Perhaps I want to be Rapunzel. Perhaps I am Rapunzel.
Hm. Maybe it is time for a haircut.
But back to writing. The only time over the last week when I felt truly inspired and enthused with my writing was working on my query letter. I’ll probably do another post about that at some point, as the query is such a daunting prospect that it needs a category all of its own. It is slowly coming together though, and mainly the thing I am working on is a short 150 word ‘punchy’ synopsis of my story to go in the letter. Bloody tricky! In truth I would rather lick the road than write a query letter. It has taken me A LOT of chocolate to get this far.
The other thing I have been enthused on recently is expanding the 150 word synopsis to a full page. Some agencies ask for a one-page synopsis, and I want it to be ready just in case. Oh I wish I did this at the very beginning, instead of scribbling a plot that went something like ‘beginning, blankness, end’. Next time…
This brings me neatly to the main thing that is worrying me concerning writing. Have I told the right story? Honing the synopsis has revealed to me another story I could have told involving these characters, and I am really panicked about whether I have plumped for the right tale. The other story idea is basically how this tale is introduced… so it’s not like it could be a prequel or a sequel – I only get one shot at an introduction. And it bothers me, as the other way is also good… (Note the word ‘also’ – how lovely that my subconscious believes in my story better than I do!)
And then alongside all that, I have reached chapter 17 of the redraft, and am planning a coup. It doesn’t know this yet, but chapter 17, 18, 19 and 20 are going to be totally restructured. They are going to be brought into the present tense if it kills me (my writing loves the past tense and is happiest rolling around with the word ‘had’). There is a new bit going in, and it is all going to be fun to write. I keep telling myself that, as the rest of me is unconvinced. The overall plot and ending will not change though – this bit will just make it better. Maybe I need some cheerleading pompoms.