Wednesday, 16 June 2010

The Mutant Eyebrow

Today I found a mutant eyebrow hair. It was (notice past tense) about an inch long. It was pure white. It lasted about half a second.

However, this unsettling experience has left me with three questions.

  1. How long had I been harbouring a mutant eyebrow, exactly?
  2. Why didn’t I notice it before today?
  3. Why didn’t anyone ask me what was taking over my face?
I can think of three answers to these questions, none of which please me.

Answer one: I need a new pair of glasses.

Answer two: It grew overnight, like a sped up film, which makes me a) weird, b) in dread of what else might speed up, and c) a mutant myself.

Answer three: My friends have been secretly taking bets behind my back as to how long it will get.

The thing is, me and this mutant eyebrow have crossed tweezers before.

The eve of my thirtieth birthday, in fact.

I woke up, yawned, stretched, and the then other half said ‘hold it!’ in fascination. I was unconvinced. A cat hair, I said, until I tugged at it and discovered it was indeed attached. A cat hair that had taken root? On that pleasant thought, out came the tweezers and I stared in wonder. I couldn’t work out how I had gone to sleep with normal eyebrows and woken up with one mutant white hair. Thanks Mother Nature, I thought, for that timely birthday gift. And so it was gone, and never did return… until today.

Cue the Mutant Hair’s cackle of evil (bwhahahahahahaha)

I now feel a bit paranoid. Is anything else turning mutant? Have I missed something else important on my face, like a biker’s moustache? I don’t think so but am off to stare long and hard into the mirror just in case.

20 comments:

Tess said...

my sister and I have a pact. We will be each others 'mutant hair advisor' in life. It's a good thing ;)

Pat Tillett said...

great post!
I once noticed a 3 inch "mutant" hair growing out of my otherwise fallow chest...
I wore it with pride! That is, until my wife ripped it out by the roots...

Eliza said...

I get them too, they just appear outof nowhere.

Talli Roland said...

Attack of the mutant eyebrow! It's taking over the world!

I get them too. I yank them out, and they come back again. They're evil!

Happy Frog and I said...

After I type this I'm running to the nearest mirror!

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

Oh, That was fun! I've wondered the same thing! I'm terrified I'll be that elderly lady with three whiskers on her neck. YIKES! (That would be okay, if I was a cat...)

Thanks for dropping by my blog. :)

Barbara Scully said...

Once they start sprouting over your eyes its only a matter of time before one appears on your chin! WHHAAAAA

Wendy Ramer said...

Not sure of your age, but dare I mention other inopportune places for such mutant white hairs to pop up? Don't sweat an eyebrow hair; it can be plucked. As for the "other" area, not as comfortable to attack wtih tweezers. (Of course, if you go Brazilian, no worries.)

Milton said...

Ah Jayne, sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings but this is just the start!

I've watched Muttie's chin and neck sprout for years now after she hit the 30 mark. Keep a constant eye out.

Your hairy buddy, Milt x

Alice in Wonderland said...

I too, noticed an odd blonde (not white!) hair growing from my shoulder, just at the top of my arm. So, of course I just pulled it out!
I wonder how long it has been growing there without me ever noticing?
But, no more hair on my shoulder now!

Old Kitty said...

Awwww!! Wow!!I have a mutant single white hair that grown on the side of my cheek!

Last I visited the dentist, he thought it was a bit of fluff and tried to pull it. I went "OW" and he said, "Oh sorry I didn't know it was attached to you."

So when I got home, out came the tweezers, razor, blowtorch... and yet it grown whenever it wants to.

I think we should create a mutant single hair anomaly's club!
:-)

Take care
x

roxy said...

You are so funny, Jayne! Mutant eyebrows are just an indication of your intelligence, good looks, and creativity. It adds mystery and exotic charm to any writer's visage. (Your friends are just jealous you had one and they didn't.) Beware over-plucking, whatever you do . . .

Tabitha Bird said...

LOL, the mutant hair. :)
I am sure you did not miss a moustache!

Piedmont Writer said...

I had one too, several years ago. I got rid of it and so far so good.

I sent you an email to answer a question you had on my post the other day. Hope you don't mind.

Aubrie said...

I bet nobody noticed it. I had one black hair a long time ago (my hair is light golden blond) and so I tore it out. Thank goodness it never came back!

Rose said...

very funny! I think you just must get the odd follicle (that isn't how you spell it is it!) that misbehaves. I found a mutant white hair on my BACK once and completely freaked out- has never returned though constant vigilence is the key.

Back from hols and then had not internets for a few days, very annoying!

Alice ~ writer, dreamer, traveller ~ said...

oh this post made me laugh ;-) I think we have all fallen victim to the mutant hair and I'm with Tess, we all need a 'mutant hair advisor' lol.

Thanks for stopping by my blog :-) I always love to welcome new readers! x

JJ Beattie said...

I can't believe I'm about to tell you this - I don't know you; but *deep breath* I have a wiry Granny hair that grows out of my neck. Oh yes. The first time I saw it curling ominously into my field of vision it was about three inches long. The shame of it.

Jayne said...

Tess – I need a mutant hair advisor! Great pact. Will swear my best friends in. :)

Pat – Haha! Ouch.

Eliza – They must be a gift from the hairy fairy.

Talli – It was definitely trying to take over my nose, that’s for sure.

Happy Frog – Ha! I like to spread my paranoia. :)

Sharon – My fear exactly.

Barbara – Agh! Nooooo...

Wendy – Hahaha – eek!

Milton – Will be keeping constant vigilance on my chin and neck!

Alice – shoulders? I didn’t even think of shoulders! Oh blimey.

Jayne said...

Old Kitty – hahaha – it is a hundred times worse if someone points it out! Or tries to pull it – agh! And at the dentist – honestly I don’t know if that day could have got any worse.

Roxy – Thank you! I do my best *bows, mutant eyebrow hair scrapes the floor*

Tabitha – I really really REALLY hope I haven’t missed a moustache!

Anne – So far so good – I like the sound of that. And thank you – always love getting an email!

Aubrie – I hope no one noticed!

Rose – backs? Back?! AGH! I am going to have to employ a mutant hair advisor to keep an eye on these things.

Alice – Glad it made you giggle.

JJ – Agh! Granny hairs are so unfair if one isn’t actually a granny.