However, this unsettling experience has left me with three questions.
- How long had I been harbouring a mutant eyebrow, exactly?
- Why didn’t I notice it before today?
- Why didn’t anyone ask me what was taking over my face?
Answer one: I need a new pair of glasses.
Answer two: It grew overnight, like a sped up film, which makes me a) weird, b) in dread of what else might speed up, and c) a mutant myself.
Answer three: My friends have been secretly taking bets behind my back as to how long it will get.
The thing is, me and this mutant eyebrow have crossed tweezers before.
The eve of my thirtieth birthday, in fact.
I woke up, yawned, stretched, and the then other half said ‘hold it!’ in fascination. I was unconvinced. A cat hair, I said, until I tugged at it and discovered it was indeed attached. A cat hair that had taken root? On that pleasant thought, out came the tweezers and I stared in wonder. I couldn’t work out how I had gone to sleep with normal eyebrows and woken up with one mutant white hair. Thanks Mother Nature, I thought, for that timely birthday gift. And so it was gone, and never did return… until today.
Cue the Mutant Hair’s cackle of evil (bwhahahahahahaha)
I now feel a bit paranoid. Is anything else turning mutant? Have I missed something else important on my face, like a biker’s moustache? I don’t think so but am off to stare long and hard into the mirror just in case.