A Slippery Story

Ski slope names can be rather jaunty and fun – but who was the poor soul who christened ‘Wounded Knee?’ I suspect they are the ones with the limp. Also ‘Brown Shirt’ – someone had a little accident that day, did they? There are pants for that sort of thing.

Likewise ‘The Plunge’. Gosh that sounds good. Follow that with ‘Look Out’, ‘Free Fall’, and ‘Shoulder Roll’ (in that order), and I wonder if there is a slope called ‘A & E’. I like the no nonsense of ‘Steep and Flat’ though - tell it like it is.

I’ll share one sloping tale. In Canada the slopes are labelled green, blue, black and double-black (easy to very difficult). I am a lass happiest on a blue, venturing onto single black here and there when I’m feeling brave (or when Darth Vader, my partner in crime in her black helmet, beckons me to follow her. You don’t refuse Darth.)

We were one of the first up and over the mountain on a day when fresh powder glistened. Going up a steep chair lift, and we saw a boarder making his way down directly below us. That looks like fun, said Darth, and that meant we were heading that way.

Well, we started down and for a moment it was all lovely and good. Then it went bloody steep and Darth swiftly dropped below where we were, into the trees. This meant she couldn’t get back up to me and had to make her own scary way down, knowing full well there were signs everywhere that said ‘Mind the Cliff’. Darth is a double-hard boarder, but even she said it was a bit hairy that way. (Darth Speak for F*&king Hell!)

I, meanwhile, was now on my own, and a bit stuck, with nowhere to go but down. So I sat there for a while, contemplating life, just as the chair lift loomed into sight, carrying some blokes. I sensed them looking at me and so looked up, hoping they would share some boarder words of wisdom.

And you know what they gleefully shouted, all three to a man?

‘You’re f*&ked!’

Yeah, thanks for that, guys. I had pretty much realised the f*&ked-ness of my situation without that helpful reminder.

Needless to say I slid, sloped, slithered, shimmied, and flopped my way down – all to an audience sailing above me in safety on the chair lift. But the rest of them were so nice – they cheered and yelled encouragement (one particularly gratifying shout was ‘Woah - you’re going for it!’ when for a short time I managed to actually look like I knew what I was doing).

I was so glad to eventually reach the bottom, and see Darth trudging her way towards me through the trees. ‘Shall we do it again?’ she asked.

Later, when we went back up that way, we saw a sign had now been put at the entrance to the chair lift slope. Do you know what it said?

Double-Black
Board with Extreme Caution

It was the triumph of my holiday!