What Writers Want for Christmas

Families and friends of wannabe writers! This post is for you. This is what the aspiring author in your circle would love for Christmas and the New Year.

1. Start random conversations and drop in ‘when you’re an author’ as many times as you possibly can. Some examples: ‘Do you have to get that early train to work? Never mind, when you’re an author you can work from home.’ Or: ‘Won’t it be lovely this time next year when you’re an author?’ And even: ‘Let’s go into this book shop and see where your books will be placed on the shelves when you’re an author.’
   


2. A fancy, gorgeous, beautiful notebook. And then a plain, bog-standard, scruffy notebook that they will actually use.


3. An hour of quiet every single day for them to write with no interruptions.


4. A ream of plain white A4 printer paper. And another. And another.


5. Ink cartridges for their printer. Back up ink cartridges for when the printer runs out halfway through something bloody important.


6. The promise that you will gently steer them away from whatever procrastinating activity they have desperately embarked on (colour co-ordinating sock drawer, preoccupation with ironing napkins) back to their computer / writing desk.


7. No complaints, yawns, tapping of watches, or general Look of Gloom when they disappear into a book shop for hours. Instead greet them afterwards with the same enthusiastic welcome as a triumphant marathon runner.


8. If they care to share with you a plot point, do not let your gaze slide past them to Top Gear. Listen to them; support them; and make them a cup of tea.


9. Stephen King’s ‘On Writing’; The Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook 2011; a subscription to a writing magazine; and bookshop vouchers.


10. And finally, the most important thing: Your belief that they can do it. Hooray!

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

A London Christmas

I am loving my little book ‘A London Christmas’ – so much fun to read how Londoners used to celebrate. Here are some of my observations from the book so far:

Forget turkey, give me beef!

Christmas dinner once upon a time was beef – there is no mention of turkey in this collection of memories and extracts, not until an article published by George Orwell in 1947. Since this book spans centuries of memories (oldest relevant extract is from 1443), it seems beef was the special treat of the year. Also featured were sage and onion stuffing, mince pies, plum pudding with brandy, and the meat dish ‘plum porridge’, which sounds a bit ominous. I am really tempted to try and follow an old recipe to see if it is edible! There is a lot of boiling and straining to do when cooking these old dishes, by the sound of it. The only thing that puts me off is that these recipes sound so fatty! It would have been ideal back then, but not for now when we are surrounded by so many fatty choices, and do little physical exercise, as a nation at least. But to be honest I am not a huge fan of turkey, so perhaps beef would be a traditional alternative.

Nb: Goose was also a traditional choice for this time of year - and I much prefer goose to turkey, so might reinstate that one!

Legalised begging

Boxing Day up and down the land was the time for everyone in service to demand payment. The doorbell would ring day and night as butchers, paperboys, the turn-cock (water), road-sweepers, coach-men, musicians, general errand-boys, post-boys, the sweep, dust-men, and lamp-lighters all come knocking for money. In 1852 it was so bad that the advice given in Chamber’s Journal was ‘tie up the knocker – say you’re sick, or you’re dead’. Doesn’t this remind you of how Halloween has morphed into the begging custom trick or treat? Yet in some ways this Boxing Day tradition continues – my mum always mentions giving the dust-men something ‘for their Christmas box’, but it is never on Boxing Day – usually the week before.

Christmas Day post

You could post your Christmas cards on December 24th and receive them Christmas Day. In fact, it was considered normal to post your cards on Christmas Eve, although it later years (by 1901 at least) the general consensus was to ‘post early’ to save the post office from being swamped with cards and parcels at the last minute. In 1890 a shop-bought card price was 8d, which works out to be £3.15 in today’s money. It doesn’t sound much of a difference, except the annual salaries back then worked out approx £12 for a nursemaid, £30 for a groom, £50 for a butler. I don’t think many would have splashed out the equivalent of £3.15 for a single card! No wonder folk made their own cards, if giving any at all.

Christmas Day travel

Trains, trams, buses – all these would be running on Christmas Day, making it easy for people to visit relatives in the country. There may be a brief hiatus on local trains until ‘after the Divine church service’, but the transport service didn’t close down for the day, as it does now. However, this means that now everyone has the right to a day off to celebrate how they choose, an option that just wasn’t considered back in the day.

The Holly and the Ivy

Decorations in olden times brought the country inside. Sprigs of dark green holly with cheerful red berries, clumps of trailing ivy to dress the mantle, boughs of mistletoe for the rich to giggle under. I really like this way of decorating a home - it smells fresh, and candles glimmer in a unique way off the waxed appearance of holly leaves. I would also add decorations of dried orange, and a cinnamon stick here and there for that warm smell of spice.

Can't wait to bring some of these traditions back!

Lovely Christmas

Despite all my fears, Christmas was wonderful! Joy to the world! Here are my highlights from the last few days:

• Seeing good friend A dash up the icy road (and keep her balance) on Christmas Eve so we could scurry into a church and sing carols. We sang very joyfully indeed, and being good, I did not sing the words ‘appeared a shining thong’ in 'While shepherd’s watched their flocks by night'.
• Snuggling with J while watching Gremlins. Still pulling a face at the Gremlin exploding in the microwave.
• Opening stocking presents with mum and a cup of tea, cats trying to get in on the action until I waved a satsuma in their direction.
• More presents! Love presents.
• Niece telling me The Beatles is now her favourite band while wearing Beatle t-shirt. Felt all proud.
• Mum’s dinner, and her gorgeous sherry trifle.
• Watching Doctor Who eye candy – David Tennant and John Simm.
• Playing The Logo Board Game with family – brother picked a winner with the game to play this year (and brother won!).
• Good friend I swooping down complete with cute reindeer hat and home-made flapjacks.
• Going over to good friend C’s house, and a mad ten-minute present exchange.
• Cracking open the bubbly. And the second bottle of bubbly.
• Good friend C interpreting ‘we’re not that hungry’ to ‘bring us the sandwiches made of goose!’ – wonderful.
• Boxing Day presents!
• Sherry with lovely dinner. More sherry in trifle. Small glass of sherry just in case sherry top-up is needed.
• Snoozing through the film taped from Christmas day, High Society.
• House to myself, turkey sandwiches, new Christmas PJ’s and snuggy slippers, cats on lap, Morecambe and Wise Christmas special from 1973 on the telly. Bliss. Bring me sunshine…

*skips off doing the dance*

Friday Thoughts

When I left you I was splashing around in November. Now I am back with the dark chill of December evenings. Winter weather always seems to arrive slap-bang on December 1st, and this year was no exception. I smelt it as soon as I left my front door in the early hours, that special crisp coldness that crystallises your thoughts and makes you glad to be alive. As long as I have many knitted layers I am invincible.

The Cup-a-Soup compulsion has reached new heights at work. I have decided that Ainsley’s Sweet and Sour and Waitrose’s Chicken Noodle in a Cup are the best, the rest are pale imitators. I have also failed to resist the temptation of the giant chocolate buttons in WH Smiths. Two packets have disappeared in two weeks. But I don’t think Hercule Poirot’s little grey cells would be too taxed. The culprit is obviously the girl busting out of her jeans.

I spend most of my time at work ducking underneath my desk to turn on or turn off my little heater. Am freezing – on! Am boiling – off! And so it goes on all day, duck up, duck down. I must look as though I have ants in my pants.

I made it to chapter ten of the redrafting. I was ever so pleased. But then I started picking at the ends of chapter nine, and the last few pages unravelled faster than you can say ‘plot’. It is set in 1954, and the song I wove into it was not released in the UK until 1956. That was a little annoying (and how did I miss that the first time around, huh?). So I unpicked the song, and then unpicked some more, and now I have to knit the darn thing (hee!) back together again, sans song. Sometimes I think I am writing this too much as if it were a movie, already thinking of my soundtrack. I like to think big.

Little Christmas trees have started appearing in odd places. The grumpy man at the train station has one in his kiosk. I wonder if very early in the morning he had a moment of happiness setting it up, and then quickly rearranged his features to scowl at the first commuter. Or maybe a higher-ranking colleague plonked it in front of him and now he has to frown over tinsel all day.

Some girls have set up little trees at work by their desk. One asked me if I was going to get one, and instead I replied that I wasn’t into Christmas this year. It was like Ebenezer Scrooge had materialised in front of her wearing a pinafore dress. I felt like the poop in the party. I usually like Christmas I wanted to say, ask me next year! Next year I am bound to feel festive. This year I just want to eat humbugs.

Crafty Christmas

I decided to make Christmas cards to send friends and loved ones this year, completely forgetting that cat-hair gravitates towards pritt-stick like docile iron-filings obeying a stern magnet. It seemed such a good idea at the time…

I have a rather sizable collection of art and craft materials – mainly from my time studying illustration and discovering the delights of a cheap University shop. But my hoarding started way before then – somewhere in my cupboards I have vicious smelling bottles of ancient poster paint, painted pebbles and shells from random holidays, and scrap-books full of cut-out cards. One day all my collection will be in one place and I will be able to throw manky bits away, sigh happily and create wonder with the rest of it. At least that is the fond hope. In the meantime, I keep a selection of useful bits easily accessible, things like tissue paper, card, beads, and shiny material, basically stuff I can play with should I feel inspired.

Did I tell you I used to sell hand-made cards? I left a job after two years, sick of not being creative, and decided that I would make cards and sell paintings. I threw myself enthusiastically into this idea, and although I made some foolish mistakes (never buy cardboard frames and then put them somewhere they will warp), I did have a shop selling my designs, and I had a stall on a farmer’s market. It was fun, but not a way to make a living - at least not how I did it!

Anyway, I decided that I had all the ingredients to make Christmas cards this year, so to speak, and it was silly to buy a new packet when I had everything to hand. Of course though, I had to buy more Pritt-stick, as my old ones had dried to a crisp, and then I had to buy blank cards and envelopes, as the ones I had were tiny. And then there is actually sitting down to make them... so far I have spent £3.50 on this venture, and it has taken me a whole day to produce ten cards.
Maybe not so economical in the long run, come to think about it. I more than likely could buy a box set of cards from Woolworths for about ten pence, given their sad state of affairs. But will they have bonus cat hair? I think not.

These are my main designs so far (I generally create a few designs I like, and then repeat them, occasionally switching the colours around). The sheet music on the top card is from one of my favourite songs (hymn?) The Holly and The Ivy, and the empty tag on the second card will be for the person's name. The candles on the next cards are made from beads. I have another ten to make, and then that is it for this year - no more! Anything I do at the moment that is not a) job-hunting or b) editing makes me feel guilty and worried, but card-making today was a lovely distraction!