Tuesday, 11 March 2008

Still hanging

Sorry to leave you on such a spectacular cliff-hanger! While Saturday seemed to go well (with a break for a coffee and catch up with good friend I), the rest of the time my writing seems to fluctuate between flurries and flumps. I think it is solely because I am scared to finish because of the unknown future, what happens next, type thing, but I will get there, I just need to push my nerves away. The worst that happens is no one likes it, right? And if I like it, then that is all that matters, really, at the end of the day I have wrote this for me. And the getting a job, back to real world – well, that was always going to happen, so not sure who I was trying to kid!

I just have this fear that I am only Miss Average, not that there is anything wrong with the Miss Averages of the world, I just never wanted to be one. And every time I try to leap the tracks, I nearly always crash back (I have been watching some Planet Earth thing on salmon recently – it seems my brain has translated that to I am a salmon. Cheers, brain.). And then I want to slap myself, as Paul McKenna would say I am framing that all wrong, and need to frame it as the more you try the more you succeed, or something. Salmon get there in the end… unless they are eaten by bears. Bloody bears.

So, anyway – here is the plan. As soon as I finish, I plan to print the whole thing out and to remove myself from this little computer spare room, and instead to sit in the big room, next to the big heater, by my window that looks out onto the world spanning from Canary Wharf to Broxbourne.

This will be my view

This was taken one foggy morning in December 2007

I will then go through edits with a pen, like a real writer, and I am so looking forward to this I cannot tell you. Just to sit in a different room in the flat is pretty exciting – salmon these days are easily pleased. And then while I do that, every morning will be job hunt day – woohoo! I have the Pet Shop Boys song ‘Opportunities’ going through my mind – yup, sounds a good plan to me.

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