Wednesday, 31 March 2010

The Day of Awkward

Sometimes the day of awkward just slaps you in the face with a soggy slipper.

The day started with a visit to the dentist. You just know this tale bodes well, huh? To be honest I was still reeling from my cat’s recent dentistry bills… for the price I paid she could have been the only naughty tortie with a gangster-style gold grill. From now on I shall look at prices in a whole new light… hm, a £100 dress ‘or one cat tooth’. But I digress…

For some reason known only to womankind, I had decided to wear a pair of boots with a heel ‘even though I knew the day would involve a fair amount of walking’. I had also completely forgotten I had agreed to house/cat-sit for a friend for a few days, and would therefore need to lug around a small suitcase all day. So there I was - heels, suitcase, handbag, phone I still don’t understand, and imminent dentist visit.

Although I live nearer Hertfordshire than London, my dentist is in leafy posh north London suburb, Highgate. This is because I desperately want to live in Highgate, and I figure if I get enough reasons to be there then Highgate will sort of painlessly absorb me like a comfy sponge. It is madness as the only thing I can afford in Highgate is a coffee and even then it would be with a stoic smile at the bill. But anyway…

It was only somewhere underneath Kentish Town on the Northern line did I remember that the dentist was not actually by the tube station, but was a twenty-minute trod up a hill. So, panicking slightly, I emerged at Highgate tube and started walking, fishing my mobile (iPhone!) out of my bag so I could call ahead.

Now, I know there are fancy things out there to protect iPhones, but at the moment mine lives in a sock. Somehow I always bring swanky new technology down to my level. So there it is, a sock. A clean sock… but still. I then realised I couldn’t walk and dial (tap) at the same time, and as I am not used to tapping numbers yet on a touch screen, I kept tapping the wrong things, as well as being out of breath. Eventually I got through and gasped something that probably sounded like I was trying out for an asthmatic Cadbury’s bunny.

I arrived at the dentist, sock/phone in hand, and luckily they could still see me for my appointment. They must have taken pity on the sock; either that or I looked wild-eyed and desperate. Five minutes later I was on the chair, trying not to steam up his mirror, feeling all sweaty and red-faced. Apparently I have a Bad Tooth, and a Bad Filling, and both need to have Bad Things done for a Price. I nodded dumbly, and then was released back into the wild to stomp back to the tube.

I then realised the only chance I would get to buy lunch would be to pop up at King’s Cross. Boy was that a big mistake. More walking, more stomping. Did I mention the suitcase? I got my lunch (take-out from Yo Sushi as a treat) but was starting to wilt, limp and look generally unkempt around the edges. This was the look I took in with me to work. I rocked that look. I owned it.

Later I was homeward bound, and was told (not personally, although I like the thought) that the Met line was suspended, and was in fact turfing everyone out at Wembley Park. Okay, I thought. I’ll just get the Jubilee line… and realised that the closest I could get to going north again would be changing at Green Park station for the Victoria line. For those that don’t know, Green Park is a whole lot more south than I wanted. Still it had to be done, and so, after a meandering Jubilee line crept into Green Park, I found myself on the world’s busiest platform. A tube stopped, and I was whooshed up and onto the tube into a space roughly the size of a pea. Everyone already looked grim but then we were told someone had taken ill on a tube at Seven Sisters, eight stops away, and they had managed to suspend the whole line.

I’d like to say that everyone on the entire suspended network only wished good vibes towards that poor ill person, but I rather suspect… well, you can probably imagine. Faces like thunder, we all disembarked and did what I was trying to avoid, the seemingly mile-long stomp through the tunnels to the Piccadilly line.

Never mind, I thought, as I stared at the racing black through the window. Nearly home! And after everything that has happened today, what could possibly go wrong?


That’s what.


KarenG said...

Me too, I want to live in Highgate, too! Actually, I don't even know where it is, but I DO want to visit London and Highgate sounds delightful, despite the dentists :)

Fran said...

I love the idea that you keep the phone in a sock. When it rings at social events, do you get the whole thing out of your bag, sock and all?

Talli Roland said...

What a horrible day to be out and about! It's brutal out there.

I used to live in Highgate! Loved it. It was crazy times - I lived in a garden flat with a viscount who'd fallen on hard times, and all his family's oil paintings covered the walls.... completely bizarre. Anyway, I couldn't afford anything there either so I pretty much just sat and stared at his big-nosed relatives.

Sorry to hear about your awkward day!

Plain Jane said...

I keep laughing every time I picture your cat with "a gangster-style gold grill". Combine that with a phone in a sock and you just won best blog of the day. Thanks for sharing your Day of Awkward.

Christine said...

Loved this, not least because living in the northern sticks I find talk of tube trains and Yo-Sushi incredibly exotic.

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

Oh, this sounds awful. Especially as I would rather do almost anything considered unpleasant than visit the dentist. Really. And, in heels no less. Uphill. These days I usually only wear heels to events where I know I'll just be standing with a tiny drink and piece of cake in my hand. No walking required.

So sorry about the cat's tooth. Vet bills are atrocious, aren't they. But then, when I look at Edward, I somehow deem them more important than regular doctor bills! Something about those limpid brown eyes!

Tess said...

Oh, I needed this laugh. thanks!

Man-o-man have I had days like that!

Eliza said...

Lol, thats what I used too, you do get some funny looks. I was bought a proper case for xmas.

Alexandra Crocodile said...

Haha, we all have days like these:) Those days when we feel like "the path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic herd!" - Blackadder.

Jayne said...

Hi KarenG. Heehee - yes, let's all go to Highgate! It is a nice place, sort of hidden, sort of old-around-the-edges. It strikes me as the sort of place I can hide in. :)


Hi Fran. I am afraid I have been shamed out of keeping my iPhone in a sock. My friends couldn't stop laughing and one took pity on me and gave me something proper. It now lives in a black 'official' sock with a skull and crossbones print instead. Much more grown up. :)


Hi Talli. That does sound bizarre, but I did chuckle at you sitting there surrounded by big-nosed portraits. Sometimes I think these things are sent to us to be good fodder for stories later in life!

AchingHope said...

I love how you turned an awkward day into something hilariously funny.

Jayne said...

Aw thank you, Plain Jane! Your comment made my day. :)


Hi Christine. I would send you a tube train and Yo Sushi if I could. It is nice to read about different lifestyles though. Being a city girl, I cannot get enough of reading about the country!


Hi Pamela. I am the same with dentists. I generally only go when absolutely pushed (and I wish I had someone pushing me up that darn hill!) And yes, heels should only be worn on the occasion you describe! As for the vet... I'd pay anything to keep my cats healthy, and the vets know it I reckon! Much more imporant than me. ;)

Jayne said...

Hi Tess. Glad it made you giggle! Yes I think everyone has experienced a day like that sometime or other.


Hi Eliza. Ooo - you kept your iPhone in a sock as well? I was actually shamed out of my sock recently and a friend has given me an 'official' sock instead. With a skull and crossbone design, bwhahahaha.


Hi Alexandra. Oh brilliant quote from Blackadder - thank you for reminding me! Totally sums up my awkward day. :)


Hi AchingHope! Thank you... it is best to look on the funny side of these sort of days (generally only works a day later!)