Sunday, 8 June 2008

Rain or shine

My week can easily be described as one of rain and shine, regardless of the weather. The sunny up-side is I do have such lovely friends – ‘I’ took me out for a coffee and cake on Thursday, ‘R’ bought me a top yesterday, and ‘J’ is coming to pick me up today and we are going to spend time poking around a Cold War Bunker (perfect for a sunny day!). They are all so sweet to me, especially as I am going through the ‘rain’ type crisis of no money whatsoever.

It’s all getting a bit… close.  I have to finish the editing, at least of those first 3 chapters, as otherwise this whole venture will have been for nothing – and it has always felt right that I do that, finish it, and then get a full-time job, as opposed to the odd bits I do here and there. That is like the natural order of things, and if I don’t do it that way I shall jinx myself. I know that is rubbish, but it’s become a sort of mantra in my head.

I am hopeful of getting the editing done by Wednesday, and then can go into every agency under the sun – but even then… I’m not sure we’ll be able to keep our flat. And selling stuff off on eBay? I was semi-joking about that before, but now I really do think a car-boot may be in order – not sure I can afford the packing / postage for eBay – that is how serious things have got. This wouldn’t have necessarily happened – as it was I did have money saved for a rainy day, but there have been so many unexpected costs over the last two months that I should have saved for a torrential downpour the likes of which were last seen when Noah went for a sailing trip.

I am still bizarrely optimistic, I have no idea why – not quite sure what I expect is around the corner, so far it has been more rain. The flat is nice, but the flat is cold – perhaps a smaller place would be better. My lovely books are fantastic, but they are bloody heavy to move about – perhaps if I sold off some of them I wouldn’t have to carry them. It’s a strange ‘glass half full’ life at the moment – which is remarkably unlike me, but I am welcoming it. Wish I could keep this optimism going - as soon as the sun goes down it is a different story - worries come back at full force to circle around in the darkness, and my little beacon fire flickers and fails every time.

But today? The sun is shining, and I am going to forget about it for a while. Must finish editing! Must send it away! That is my mission between now and Wednesday.

4 comments:

musicobsessive said...

Very sorry to heat about your plight. You sound like a real novelist - you know, a mean garret in some Paris apartment block eating scraps.
But please hang in there, I'm waiting to read your book!
I admit I didn't do half the editing you are obviously doing (and it probably shows) but then I self-published because I didn't understand about agents and things.
You sound like you know what you are doing which is more than I ever did, so trust your instinct!

Jayne Ferst said...

Ah thanks for your kind advice - and that did make me smile - from my Parisian garret! I'm not quite sure I 'do' know what I'm doing - but it feels right, if that makes sense. Mind you, the numbers I picked for the lottery last night felt right too, and, well, here I still am!

Ben said...

The glass may be half empty. It may be half full. Regardless of which the milk it contains is sour.

I have hayfever. And I am punishing everyone for it. Especially anything that has anything to do with pollen.

Hate Summer. Hate hate hate.

Jayne Ferst said...

Oh dear! Hayfever is rotten. You are talking to a fellow sufferer, so much sympathies!